The Dom's Job

Yes, I do think the Top/Dom has a job. Mainly I am looking at what it takes for a 24/7 relationship. Recently I was talking with a Top friend who is looking for a relationship and in the process of sorting out what she will and won’t do.

My Olde Skoole mentality…or my brazenness…or …

The initial meeting time, then the flirt and negotiation time is there for the thing that we SM’ers do best….COMMUNICATION.

This is when the details of who we are and what we are looking for is dealt with. I see it as a dance. It is about attraction of some sort. Setting the stage for the proposed scene and ultimately for a long or short-term contract.

The sub or bottom gets to decide whether I am “THE ONE” that is their job. Mine is to establish the ground rules and ensure the bottom knows who I am and what I am about, what I expect and need, and what it would look like to be with me. To give them a map of who I am sort of like a game plan.

It is also my job to get all of that information from the bottom.

Since I believe everyone is responsible for themselves ultimately, I also believe it is the bottoms job to find out if the situation with me is

1. a turn-on
2. feasible and doable
3. safe and healthy for them

Some of us say that the real scene is the negotiation phase! I do believe that is the only real “equal” time. That is when we can step out of role and look at what the scene, or contract will entail.

After that what we are left with is the SAFEWORD…or when the sub asks for time to talk in the appropriate way. Meaning in the sub/bottom headspace.

And, sometimes it takes a lot to get out of the Headspace of play/scene etc. to be able to re-negotiate.

I believe since we do some “edge” stuff…it is crucial to communicate and be sure we have understood each other…this leads to hot play.