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Look up in the light...

Ghosties

Hello kinksters…

recently I went to a “spiritwalk” put on by a woman named Trish who started an organization called www.friendsofthedead.com (and no we did not do that ugly site for her…yeeeech), it took place in Tombstone.

We did not expect anything spectacular, it was kinda just something to do. We did not even take a camera. Fortunately we did have our cell phones which have a camera in them.

We took some random pictures and 4 of them show “something”. One has a face in a light!

When we were on the walk, I felt a childlike presence kick me. I asked Ellen to photograph me which she did. The two pictures taken have what is called a “rod” in the picture!

We loved it and are going to do another walk on our own this Sat 10:30 PM. Meet in front of the BirdCage!

Pls let me know if you are coming.

SM S&M BDSM What isssss it?

A way to achieve flying. To soar. To get high without drugs. Intimacy to the highest quotient. Becoming an aware individual, having the consciousness of a guru!

SM is many things…and can be different for everyone, but there are some things that are common.

1. It is a fun thing and just like anything else must be done “right”, this is why I began writing. I watch people play at the dungeon, and am appalled at their lack of knowledge. On both ends! The top is “wrapping” the whip, and the bottom is allowing it.

BOTH (OR ALL) PARTICIPANTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SAFETY…NOT JUST THE TOP/DOM

2. To get to that “Zone” we will do extreme things to the so-called untrained eye. The bottom line is: “The forbidden is Hot”. And hot is fun!

3. Everyone has limits. Even if yours are at a different place than mine, a limit is a limit. We are here because we have common ground: “the kink”, and that is what is most important, so we look to give each other the room to be who we are!

4. In a traditional dungeon, there are vibe-watchers, (or dungeon monitors, where some sort of formal identification…such as a certain shirt, or armband) who are available to you if you have concerns or questions.

5. We use safewords in the dungeon. Usually the dungeon safeword is “SAFEWORD” and many players use RED, GREEN, and YELLOW.
a. And please be respectful when playing and use it in the most respectful context you can at that moment. Or at least whisper. Which brings me to…

Top egos are quite fragile… please help us to keep our image by talking to us appropriate when in a formal setting…


Bottoms deserve respect and admiration. When you use your safeword, it is to be respected, don’t play with a top you are uncertain about. That is what the negotiation time is for…it is like a courting time to ascertain who you are dealing with. It is definitely a trust issue.

AND DO USE YOUR SAFEWORD…..IT IS NOT SEXY OR FUN TO PLAY WITH A BRAVE LITTLE SOLDIER THAT SHOWS NO EMOTION AND OVERRIDES THEIR OWN RED FLAGS

6. The longer you are into this community the more clear you will be. In the beginning it all looks like a Christmas tree full of lights. Remember to communicate. Wait till you are in the proper area of the dungeon for this.

In most dungeons there is a socializing area, many times it is the eating area. DO NOT laugh and hangout in the play space, it is disruptive to the people engaged in a scene. And remember:
Everyone’s scene is different…you never know what their relationship is and when the scene starts and ends if you are not involved with the scene yourself!!!

The Dom's Job

Yes, I do think the Top/Dom has a job. Mainly I am looking at what it takes for a 24/7 relationship. Recently I was talking with a Top friend who is looking for a relationship and in the process of sorting out what she will and won’t do.

My Olde Skoole mentality…or my brazenness…or …

The initial meeting time, then the flirt and negotiation time is there for the thing that we SM’ers do best….COMMUNICATION.

This is when the details of who we are and what we are looking for is dealt with. I see it as a dance. It is about attraction of some sort. Setting the stage for the proposed scene and ultimately for a long or short-term contract.

The sub or bottom gets to decide whether I am “THE ONE” that is their job. Mine is to establish the ground rules and ensure the bottom knows who I am and what I am about, what I expect and need, and what it would look like to be with me. To give them a map of who I am sort of like a game plan.

It is also my job to get all of that information from the bottom.

Since I believe everyone is responsible for themselves ultimately, I also believe it is the bottoms job to find out if the situation with me is

1. a turn-on
2. feasible and doable
3. safe and healthy for them

Some of us say that the real scene is the negotiation phase! I do believe that is the only real “equal” time. That is when we can step out of role and look at what the scene, or contract will entail.

After that what we are left with is the SAFEWORD…or when the sub asks for time to talk in the appropriate way. Meaning in the sub/bottom headspace.

And, sometimes it takes a lot to get out of the Headspace of play/scene etc. to be able to re-negotiate.

I believe since we do some “edge” stuff…it is crucial to communicate and be sure we have understood each other…this leads to hot play.

Contract

Soon I will post a copy of a contract I have used in the past!

THE WHOLE SCENE When does a scene start and end???

For me, the scene begins when we start flirting with the idea of getting together. The negotiation on some level is a big flirt. Of course…it is important to treat the negotiation with much respect…and also to allow the energy to flow so as to create “heat”, cause baby…if I am not getting turned on…why would I do you?

I do think it is all participating parties responsibility to create the “energy”. Just cause you are into S/m or female does not mean I want to play with you. Oh, and by the way I am not averse to having a scene with guys. On occasion I have been known to play with a guy or two. These men have special qualities that I cherish in a bottom and incline me to want to have them. But, don’t think I am “into” guys. Oh and that brings me to a very important topic, which I will post as a separate blog: Play with Whom?

The priority for me is about the heat. That means I must be attracted to something. Is it that you are so submissive it pulls on me? Is it that you enjoy pain so much I get turned on at the thought of spending that time with you?
Just being female or cute is not enough. Many times skill level will be a turn on.

Newbies

I had a lover once who got really bent out of shape when she asked me:

“You don’t want to do exploratory S/m with me” and I said, “NO”. I do believe the stuff you do in the bedroom is a different kind of play. Possibly a little lighter would be a way to express it. It is usually an enhancement to sexual erotica. Making your sex time hotter.

S/m to me is not like that. It is a “thing” in itself. It is a way of thinking and living for me. Sex then becomes a tool of domination. This is a turn-on for me!

On the other hand…I do say it is important to gravitate toward people with several (3+) years of experience playing to really get a benefit. I know you may not be attracted to that person and thus had not considered them…but look at the energy and the feelings they create. Go to a play party and see what happens there, and look at those people who are doing what you want to do.
Approach someone who is creating the kind of thing you are fantasizing about, rather than trying to teach your current squeeze how to do it. It may not be a part of who they are right now! And, you will have much more fun with the seasoned player!!!

Fisting

It exists in all parts of the community, and especially in the lesbian world. My experience is more in the leather scene.

When asked if it exists in the lesbian community…I don’t know if my answer is valid. You see I am a fringe person. The only place I ever belong has been the S/m community and the Martial Arts.

I have always been on the edge of the edge. So, having said that I will think about technique and post in the future.

For now…realize that it is one of the most erotic experiences a woman can have with another woman. It works well for us cause our hands are usually the right size.

The trick is to take your time. To be flexible. To be in touch with the “bottom” (in this case…the person on the receiving end…oh and many people consider fisting an S/m activity…I actually do not).

Being conscious of what is going on with the bottom is, in my opinion a part of the Top’s job! Sure, much or most is for the Top’s pleasure, and that is directly related to the pleasure of the recipient.

It means knowing what they are experiencing. How do you know this? Probably a good question to ask yourself!

Creating a first time fisting experience for a woman is a beautiful thing. Raising energy and getting her hotter than ever is important. Younger women lubricate very easily. And still, have a large bottle of lubricant available. I prefer “ID”. Years ago I used clown makeup-remover or “Abschminke”. It was the best, but in today’s disease-ridden world…that is no longer an option.

So…

1. Wake up the area
Get her really hot; take 10x longer to the point of penetration. As a matter of fact touch touch touch and touch, but…do not penetrate!

2. Go in just a bit, and go outtttt and go back to #1

3. Sam as above

4. and again

5. Careful, you are getting really really turned on, and must remember this is not just about you.

6. Remember to use the other hand to work other areas!

7. As you are moving toward your goal of fisting remember to only mess with the “G” spot occasionally. The G spot tends to create a lubricant that is much dryer, so now is a good time to use more Lub.

8. Realize you can turn your hand. It can move with the woman. You will probably have an easy time to enter to the ends of your fingers/knuckles. That is where is can get tricky. Especially if you do NOT have small hands.

9. A woman’s vagina is able to accommodate the birth of a child…thus it is able to let your fist in. If you take your time, use enough lube and get her hot enough at some point the vagina will relax, and she will let you in.

10. Do Not force it. That is not the object in the beginning. You do not want to risk tearing her! (and then winding up in the emergency room!)

11. As she relaxes you will know. That is the moment to push. Once you are in, stop for a moment and regulate your breathing…even matching hers. Her body will guide you.

12. You will be able to (or the body will force you to) make a fist. I tend to keep my hand somewhat elongated when I am “working”. Although, at first my hand listens to her body and makes a fist.

13. She will guide you by her movements and breathing.

14. When you are done…if you have not pulled out already, if she has had orgasm…and is now wanting you out…have her cough several times and pull out in about three coughs!
To be continued